I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
