Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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