I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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