a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
they need to just BURY HIM!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
