she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
