I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
