that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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