What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
