I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
