My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
