I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
