I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
