There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
