I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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