We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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