this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My dick has a subreddit
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
