just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
