I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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