i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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