help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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