Where are you?
In a non slutty way
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
