At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I did not marry a roomba.
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