I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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