well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Bring me that man meat
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
