So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
