This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
