This dress was meant to end up on your floor
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
