is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
