Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
