One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
