I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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