Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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