She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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