So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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