Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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