just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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