i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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