Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
