But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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