that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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