You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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