The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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