did you get engaged???
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
