YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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