I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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