oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
