I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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