Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
