i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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