she was so not down for the gang bang
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
