that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
